Wednesday, December 28, 2005
I'll take Kiplings point of view:
"If you can meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two imposters just alike.." (from If)
If I'm failing, it means I'm trying something. I'm headed in a direction. I'm aiming for something that has the chance of success. But it's not so much the goal that matters, its the living. I want to live life as a failure. Someone who had an AIM, and even if they didn't reach it, they wasted their life trying.
Understand, this is all in my head. This is all a THEORY.
Because I got a verbal warning at work last week and have felt like a no-good, sucky, worthless nurse who second guesses herself ever since. (It wasn't a mistake of action, it was a mistake of saying something stupid in the office.) I judge myself very harshly. In my view I totally failed. It's not acceptable. I think "I should just resign. I'm terrible at this." This thought has been pressing on my emotions all week, the pit of despair ("don't even think about trying to escape") looming in my waking moments. The grey shade of depression closing over my window of happiness. The panic baiting my breathing into a rapid pace. The memory of darkness coming to the forefront of my thoughts.
It's only a memory, Sarah. It isn't today. It's not what you're feeling now, it's how you felt then. It's just a memory.
At the same time, I have this Failure Theory reverberating in my semi-conciousness.
Did I ever connect the two? Heck no!
Not, that is, until tonight, when I sat with a group of sisters in the Lord who reminded me that nothing can seperate me from Him. Not the good I do, not the bad I do, not anything I do. So this failure of last week, is indeed the failure of my theory, and I can find Him in it. I can!!! They bust up the theory with their reality sticks, and make it a TRUTH. Whether I succeed or I fail, I am IN HIM. I am on a Purpose Road.
Bonnie told this story tonight:
She and her husband were on a six lane road, and it was really crowded, but there were people who were going slowly on the road, and it was very frustrating to him, so he slammed his hand on the steering wheel and said "Don't these people know that this is a purpose road? That people who are driving on this road have somewhere they need to get to, and something they need to do? Why are they trying to slow everyone down?"
Well, we all just gasped. You can bet you will hear that phrase round here for a while to come.
We are on a Purpose Road. Whether we succeed or fail (to normal standards) we are driving toward the Purpose. It is a wonderful thing to fail at.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Ah yes. Christmas Night. How can one day make such a difference? The words "Christmas Eve" are so magical- so full of portent ("and the sky is full of portent" - if you can tell me where THAT came from, I will RAK you. Seriously. Bill, you can't answer.) But change the second word, and the thrill is gone. The presents are unwrapped, the halls decked, the Roast Beast carved, and now we sit aching from gluttony- looking at the carnage of boxes and paper and toys, and even by the glow of the tree lights it is unsavory. It has turned into plain old Sunday night. Almost every Christmas night for as long as I can remember, I get this sudden longing for spring. Strange. My brother, as a child, once wrote a prescription for "The Post Christmas Let Downs." I wish I could remember what it was!!!! We did have a wonderful Christmas, but Sunday night is not the time for me to wax eloquent about my holiday, when the shadow of Monday is looming like the Ghost of Christmas Future.
But Guess What!!!!!! Bill totally surprised me and got me.... a PHOTO PRINTER!!!!! And Susie and Buzzy got me.....Photo Shop Elements 4.0!!!!!!! Hooray! I've been playing with it tonight, but couldn't get the photo to upload. I'll try again....Dude, it's not in me. I'll work on it tommono.
I hope everyone has a good recovery day Monday! Lots of sleeping and straightening! As for me, I will be trying to pick up the pieces of my patients that got thrown off kilter over the weekend, and hopefully do some good. And I will remember you Lord, even if it because I am low. What does it matter why we cry out, as long as we come to you? You are The Answer.
Friday, December 23, 2005
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Holiday: Christmas or New Years? Christmas until it's over, then New Years.
Cookies: Sugar or Gingerbread? sugar if frosted
Decorations: Santa or Snowmen? Snowmen
Reindeer or Elves? Reindeer
Colors: Red or Green? Red everyday, baby
Colors: Gold or Silver? Silver
Tree Topper: Star or Angel? Star
Stocking Stuffer: Fruit or Candy? Give me gaga everytime. True candy baby here. But I also like an orange in the toe for tradition.
Tree: Real or Artificial? But one more year of cleaning up those pine needles and I may change my persuasion!
Cartoons: Charlie Brown or Rudolph? A hard one. I love love love CB, but there ain't nobody who can touch the Heat Miser or the Freeze Miser or Yukon Cornelius for comedy. "He's too much, ba dum dum dum da-a-a-a dum!"
Movie: It's a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Carol? Wonderful Life. Bill can do a KILLER George Bailey. It makes me laugh every time! But really? White Christmas. No one like Bing for the holidays.
Stocking Stuffer: Jewelry or Gift Card? Yes please.
Christmas List: Naughty or Nice? Crabby. I guess that makes me naughty.
Drink: Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Nog. That's delicious nog. Neat. Neat fun. Good times.
Holiday Ghost: Past, Present, or Future? Present. He's the one I need help from
Vacation Spot: North Pole or Winter Wonderland? I could do some skiing!
Holiday Song: Jingle Bells or Silver Bells? Silver Bells, silver bells! It's christmas time in the city! Ringaling, hear them ring, soon it will be christmas day! Oh. You didn't want a solo on that one?
Holiday Song: Silent Night or O' Holy Night? I am rather fond of the memory of Gramps singing Silent Night in German. I also love hearing either sister busting out O Holy Night like you wouldn't believe.
More Fun: Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? Eve. Anticipation is half or three quarters the fun.
Lights: Clear or Multi-Colored? Clear
Ornaments: Bulbs or Bows? Bulbs...mercury glass ones, please.
Tree Decor: Ribbon, Popcorn, or Garland? garland, but we don't have any this year
Gifts: Wrapping Paper or Gift Bags? Wrapping paper is much more festive, but it's hard to knock the ease of Le Gift Bag.
Better To: Give or Receive? Give!!Can I just say I wish I was rich?? Oh man. I'd love to spoil some people. But don't get me wrong. I love getting stuff too!
Tammy, Anja and Kim, you are IT.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Friday morning was Bo's christmas party at school. Here they are singing Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer and that beloved Christmas favorite Yankee Doodle Dandy. Bo is on the far left.
Here he is making his gingerbread house
Emma got in on the action too! She was so happy. You can tell she is really happy because she becomes absolutely silent, serious and focused.
See? She can't wait to go to school!
Friday afternoon, I ran errands like a crazy fool, trying to get things done. I did get my nails done, which was a special treat!!!
Friday night we went to Drew's band concert which was quite good. He plays the xylophone, so we could actually hear him!!! We ate at La Casa afterward, and had heaps of fun talking and joking.
Saturday morning, we took Cole to Sulfur Springs about 1.5 hours away, had lunch with her, her mom and two sisters and headed back home.
Peer and Natalie came in from Bournemouth, England that afternoon, and brought their ADORABLE son Leo, of whom this is one of many snaps taken. He is so cute! We ate dinner together over at Donna and Aaron's, and then scurried home to get ready for my office party. It was a fun time- and we won a portable DVD player, and got my bonus! Hooray!!! There was some grooving going on...a little YMCA, a little electric slide, you know the stuff. Bill and I got all dressed up and I have not one photo!!!
My brother Tim came in late Saturday night, and from all reports we missed one of the greatest meetings that the church here has ever experienced. It was wonderful just HEARING about it. The brothers planned everything down to the last detail, and everyone said it was so rich, and full of the Lord.
Sunday morning back at Donna and Aaron's for breakfast, and then a walk to show Peer and Natalie the neighborhood. What an odd and crazy crowd we are! I wonder what the neighbors think!! Here's Peer goin' all Fonzie on Don's recumbant bike.
Annette with Emma on her shoulders. I love this picture.
Sunday night we had a family dinner over at Mom's because they are leaving for Florida on Christmas day, and she wanted to make a meal for the fam. I love my mother's table. Look at those fabulous cranberry glasses, and a butter dish at every setting, the children's filled with M&M's. We had Tuna Casserole, Salad, Crusty bread and more types of cookies than you could imagine. Oh, and French Lemon Tart. Ummm-mmm!!
Jen, Al, Jessie in the kitchen (where the women usually congregate)
Tim, Mark and Bill in the den, falling asleep in front of the TV (where the men usually congregate)
Last night we went to Six Flags for Holiday in the Park and it was quite fun, although rather cold, so we didn't stay very long, and drove through Starbucks on the way home. I had a Gingerbread Latte, and let me say -it was so good, I think I had a hangover this morning.
Came home from a wretched day to a package from the owner of the website I'm on the design team for. Lookie here. Wouldn't this cheer anyone up? I was so happy, and perked up, I was able to enjoy six flags! Hooray! Thanks Shawnie! You are the best!
Oooh, and I got the large January Kit too. It is sa-weet!!!!
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Had to post these pictures. Emma LOVES Bo's reading homework. She comes running from any corner of the house when she hears the prologue: Bo shouting his six vocabulary words from the kitchen table- like it's the last preview before the movie. This is what it sounds like: "MAMA! Has-was-seven-saw-threw-kept! (continuous shuffling of bare feet getting closer and closer, occaisonal bumps into the wall) and here's my take-home reader!"At this point, what I see is the picture below.
Any hints about how to keep a four year old clean? She is like Pig-Pen in The Peanuts. The floor around her chair is unmentionable, and don't anybody sit down after she's been in the chair, cause you WILL stick to it. Her face is always dirty, but oh so sweet! It makes me ache with happiness!
And here's one for Christmas:
When the angels sang
"Peace on Earth"
it was not a
Jesus Christ IS Peace.
Monday, December 12, 2005
The page the fabulous Anja (aka Miss Quiss) did for me. Can you say "Sarah LOVES it." Cause she does. Loves it.
This is the little garland I made using an old book, a cookie cutter and the mm stamps! Made it last year, and guess what? I still love it! Hooray!
Our cutie pie fuzzy tree!!!! I don't know why it's blurry. Could be that cup of coffee I was sucking down. There are heaps of handmade construction paper ornaments, LSU ornaments, and sundry items donated by family members.
Wanted to post this the other day. Ahem. It's the icicles on our house from the ice storm.
Bo and Bill and their LSU ornaments. What handsome laddies they are!!
Cole, Bo and Emma trimming the tree.
And the most important ornament of all. This is a little illustrated story, presented by Bo H. Once there was a boy who received the sleigh bell from The Polar Express from his aunt for Christmas 2004. Oh how he loved that ornament. He said it was his favorite gift. Here he is shaking the bell, and not hearing anything because he doesn't believe.
Here he is listening to the most beautiful sound in the world, because he does believe.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (bow, bow)
Sunday, December 11, 2005
So on Saturday we did nothing. Zero. Just sat around and moaned. But today? Well, TODAY we got HEAPS of shopping done, got a christmas tree, and saw..dum, da-da DUM. Chronicles of Narnia. Every bit as good and better than I hoped for. We absolutely LOVED it. Loved it. So well done, and the story was so well portrayed. Even the changes only enhanced the story, and the acting was nice and subtle, which I always appreciate, especially after years of watching the BBC version and seeing that buck-toothed Lucy saying "Oh Asthlan!!!" with the extreme fake rapture on her chubster face.
One thing I love about Bill. He was raised by a Florist. The man can pick a Christmas tree. I sit in the car and eat Burger King, and he goes and shakes em down, and always picks a fabulous one, ties it too the trunk, and smiles all the while. It is heaven, I tell you, heaven. Thank you Buzzy and Susie ever so for that.
So the shopping, cause that's what really matters. We hit Target like maniacs....and got almost all our Christmas shopping done, except for Bo and Emma. But they bought for each other, so that's one less thing!!!!
And I got a new phone! Hooray! Mine old flip has been dangling like a loose tooth for about a month now, and we renewed our contract and got a CAMERA PHONE. Wow. Never thought I would live to see the day. So exciting!!!!
On a sad note. My local scrap store is closing. How could she do this to me? After I faithfully spend 6 dollars every week!!! Isn't that enough to keep her in business????Aaargh!!!! She always has everything I want, and she's less than a mile away! AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!! On a happy note, she had everything marked 30 % off! Wanna see what I bought? too bad. Bloggers not working AGAIN.
Cole comes tommorrow, and that's pretty dang exciting!!! We will be trimming the tree, and I'll be posting pictures, cause what happens in life, happens on my blog.
Happy Last Week of School Before Christmas Break!!!!!
Friday, December 09, 2005
And now about me:
Just some random stuff and junk. I'm trying not to be a veritable fount of negativity, but it's hard when the two men in my life are just plain founts. Yes, kids, now the flu bug has hit. I guess it was passing by and saw what a feast the cold bug had made of us and thought "Umm-hmmm! Easy pickin's!" I am so weary of it. I was trying so hard, and yet all day my stomach has felt like it was clamping down on itself. And yet I worked. Bill stayed home with Bo, who got up from the couch twice all day. ExTREMely rare. He's a rather active laddie.
OK so that's enough of that. Just know that my state of mind is pretty low and the wit is dim. So what better to do than blog, right?
This will be the first time I do not post an Effer dare either here or on 2ps. I have done it, but it is absolutely too lame to post, and I don't have the effort at present to devote to improving it or doing another one. But at least my record is still perfect! I haven't missed one yet!!!! If it had turned out it would have been pretty funny. I have some pretty smelly houses I have to go visit these days, and so I did a page titled "Ban Bad Odor" But as it turned out, it wasn't very funny at all. Just lame. *Note to Self: If you use bright yellow and green cardstock and then use black and red for highlights, don't try to rub Amber Clay chalk ink all over a page, especially when the page is about bad odors. It really gives the wrong impression. Rather like something else has been rubbed all over the page. Not so much.
Happy Weekending, and SERIOUSLY. GO SEE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE. I saw it last night with Mom, Kim and Annette. Oh man. I adored it. Jen, you were absolutely right. When it was over and the credits were on, everyone was standing up and I said "Roll it again!" I was ready to watch it again right then, and that's totally not my style. Oh gosh is it good. Good, good, goody, goodness. I wonder if there's a late show......
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Ummmmm for some reason it's not letting me upload photos. Watch this space to see what our house looked like today.
My sister Missy makes me laugh harder than anyone else on earth. She has posted a doozy, so go leave a comment to put some "hum" in her "Bah-Humbug!"
Monday, December 05, 2005
I got a new camera hooray!!!! (Hooray is the word du jour, in case you were wondering. I think I'm finally getting over saying "charming" about everything) It takes some pretty schnazzy snaps! Check it:
The flowers my sweet sister Jen brought me on Friday.
What an adorable boy! Notice the great detail the camera picks up! You can even see his chapped lips and grungy hands!
How we spent Sunday afternoon. Bill just gets so intense while he's on the compy. Notice the rapt attention he's giving to his screen.
She only does what she sees her mother do.
My essential disaster.
These are all taken in our office/library/study/scraproom that we are thankful for every day. Someday I will post pictures of Bill's area and my area, and you can see what crazy dreamers we are.
Emkins is cracking me up these days. Here's my favorite story of late as related by my mother who took her out for a while on Saturday. They were out at The Corner Bakery to have a "special treat" and Mom was holding Emma up the case to pick out something they could share. Mom said "What about that yummy cherry pie, or that delicious looking Lemon Bar?" Emma paused for a moment, looked Mom square in the eye, and said--
"Ummmmm. Wet's get somesing we bofe wike."
She is ever the diplomat. So smart. I can't stand it. This morning she said "What is dat smew? (smell) Dat yucky smew? Dat's disgustine!" And at EVERY bathtime, when it is time to rinse off, she starts shaking her little bottom back and forth, gets a very silly grin on her face and sings "Sake yourr bootsie, sake your bootsie! Cwean your bootsie!" (translation: "Shake your boochie." ) Don't ask me, I have NO idea. I never taught her that.
Here she is trying on my "cyute boots." And now, dear friends I have five minutes to scrub my face, brush my teeth, get a drink of water, take my cough medicine, get in my PJ's, and leap into bed. I love bed.And she's off.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
This is an altered composition book:
and the 8x8 layout of my beautiful neices:
Hate it when the scan bleaches out the middle part!!!!
Unfortunately, This Week refused my resignation, because right after I wrote that letter, I went to check on Emma and she had thrown up all over her bed. Bill is now sick with me, and we are puny together. My darling, adorable, most wonderful mother in the world came over and not only took care of me, but cleaned my house. I am the luckiest girl in the world. Dad vaccuumed, and Jen brought over some mags and some flowers to cheer me up, also some killer chocolate from Trader Joe's (eyebrows going up and down in happiness!) I am so blessed to have such a wonderful fam! I was sick enough to lay around and let them do, which is HIGHLY abnormal for me. I did lay on the couch and say "Oh my goodness, thank you so much, I wish you wouldn't, no that's enough, ect, ect..." and then roll over and moan.
I'm done typing. I can do no more.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Due to extreme fatigue related to a case of bronchitis that is holding on to my chest for dear life, and the fact that I have been going at a breakneck pace, not allowing myself rest or relief from the burden of "the daily chore" I do hereby tender my resignation. I am done doing. I am whupped. Put a fork in me-I'm toast. I have folded my last item of laundry, checked my last blood pressure, coughed my last cough, layed my last layout, driven my last drive, and made my last lunch. I have spoken my last word. I'm finished. Kaput. I'm sorry I couldn't give two weeks notice, but since you are only a week, it would have been quite a stretch and, as you may have guessed, I have stretched my last stretch.
The opportunity has come up for a new week, and it is an chance I simply cannot miss. Since I'd like a small break, I'll take off the next few days, and start the next week on Monday.I thank you for the happinesses and the trials you have afforded me. You have made me stronger and older. And tired-er. It was nice working with you.