I have decided to take the plunge and self diagnose. I know it's dangerous to do such things, and as a nurse, I should know better, but I am not only going to diagnose myself, I am going to invent the disease. It is called "Chronic Irritation" or for laymen: "Sarah's Disease."
My Symptoms include: anger, frustration, silence, shouting, wailing, gnashing of teeth, exhaustion, with the occaisional presentation of nausea and tears. I know it's bad, because everyone is making excuses for me! Yikes! (But isn't that lovely of them anyway? I have such great friends and family...irritating at times, but such is the lot of my disease process.)
I had a week of nice relaxation, when it went into remission for a while, with only occasional flare-ups, but this week the condition is exacerbated, and the symptoms are hard not only on me, but on everyone who comes near me.
I feel ill in general, but I am never quite sick enough to justify taking off work, or going to bed, so I just keep running, and the result is a very short temper, and major intolerance for anyone who is speaking to me. The other symptom, which is very serious in that it is so unique to my history, is "getting my feelings hurt." In the past this has only occurred with my husband and my mother, but it seems to be growing like a tumor, and happening more and more frequently with my extended network. It is this problem that finally turned on the lightbulb for me, and made it clear that this was more than just stress-related.
For a while, I was in denial, and assumed that people were "Irritating" but have come to accept the fact that I am, indeed "Irritated." As this condition continues untreated, symptoms can develop including, but not limited to: apathy, disconnectedness, depression, overeating, and dependence on Chocolate. These symptoms may also worsen to a dangerous level at certain times of the month.
So what is the cure? I am hopeful that medical research will come up with one soon, so that my children do not look back on their childhood and remember their mother as a short tempered, wailing harpie! If there are any other C.I. patients out there, maybe we should start a support group....perhaps we could get national funding!
Then again, support groups and national funding can be so IRRITATING!
Dear One!!! I read this and SMILED. It all sounds so familiar - not familiar for YOU, but familiar in the sense that I know my own makeup and how easily irritated I can get with folks too. YOu are not alone. The really good thing to remember, dear heart, is that people love you for who you are, not how you are, if you get my drift. My memories of you are full of glory and wonder, and although I know you are of the same ilk as me, I only remember the Sarah who IS the Lord's beloved. It's true.
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