Sometimes life feels, well, oxymoronic. (if I just made that word up, you are very welcome.)
Like there are two currents.
The madness, sometimes good, sometimes bad, of a busy life, keeping occupied with the daily: the children fussing, the dishes and the cooking, the waking and sleeping, and the getting through the grey spots that threaten my otherwise happy little life.
The steady pace of eternity, that goes on, like breathing even when I am not aware, or (keep your shirt on) don't care. It's hard to pursuit....to exercise....to be diligent....oh heavens. I don't even know how to put it any more. "Find the Lord" is so overused in my experience. I think I'm gonna have to resort back to the old-school "pray" because it just sounds the truest right now.
Anyway. It's hard to pray to God, Whose corporate nature is so very real, when I'm alone. I really think that is the gist of it. It's not an excuse. It's not even a very good reason. It's just habit. Habit of practice and a habit of thinking.
Alan Knox posted about finding a community, and it got me to thinking. Am I actually ready to make the sacrifices that are needed to pursuit the Lord in a group setting? Really? . It just takes SO long, and it really is hard. I know the payoff is worth it. I KNOW it is.
The answer is "no" for right now. Like I said earlier, I am still learning to pray. Still learning to remember "the kind intention of His will" during the tricky bits of each day. It's like I've forgotten Language, and I'm learning, little by little, to speak and to listen. I'm ok with this.
Maybe when my ears and my mouth work better, the Lord will bring along some folks with whom I can listen and sing. I look forward to that day, but for now, I will wait.