Tuesday, August 08, 2006

I crack me up.

So here's a funny story I remembered today when something I said did not communicate well to my patient. (not uncommon)

It is my VERY FIRST day in the hospital as a nursing student. First day EVER with a patient. White scrubs, hair pulled back in the poofy one clip at the top of head, the appropriate amount of makeup, pretending that the stethoscope slung around my neck doesn't feel like a ball and chain.

This VERY FIRST patient of mine had the misfortune of having her hand caught in a machine at the meat grinding plant where she worked. (Did I mention this might give some of you the heebies? I always forget about that. Sorry.)

This might give some of you the heebies.

So, she got her hand severed just at the base of the fingers and they had re-enastemosed the fingers (put them back on. guess I'll never forget that word.) and were actually using leeches to get the old blood out. (not the funny part of the story, but it's always been interesting to me that my VERY FIRST patient received leech therapy. No. I'm not that old.)

So this woman can't do much with her hand, and looking back now, though I wouldn't have seen it then, she was not really too interested in trying to do much at all. (she must have asked 3 times for a bed bath. I mean, who really wants a bed bath? Ug!)

So (and I'm really digressing tonight, arent' I?) I set her breakfast tray on her bedside table, adjust the height and slide it in front of her with a warm smile- opening the shades to let a little sunshine in to the murky morning dimness of the room. I turn to walk out, and she calls out-

"Can you butter my biscuit for me?"

"Oh! Of course!" I reply blithely. "I'm so sorry!"

As I am splitting this Quality Brand Biscuit to prepare it for the butter, it starts to crumble. I make do as best I can, spread some Quality Brand Margarine over the pieces, put the knife down, and say to her:


"I hope you can enjoy the shattered remains of your biscuit."


Who on earth (I know you are asking) says "shattered remains of a biscuit???"
And to a woman who has had a bad encounter with a meat grinder???

Well, my dears, apparently me.

16 comments:

Michelle W. said...

my dear...

ROFL

Colleen said...

LOL
that, my dear, is a trip

angieoh! said...

Sarah, have I ever mentioned that i think you are nuts? HILARIOUS but nuts. I love it. Shattered remains. bwhahahahhahaha.

Mara said...

hahaha.
who asks the nurse to butter their biscuit?!

Goody said...

You didn't give her a bed bath? Oh no, all hope is gone! I was counting on you! Shattering news.....

Caroline said...

omg.
LOL

Alison said...

that seems normal to me.
no?
wrong answer?

AnneMarie said...

that is too funny! ha!

erika said...

HA!
that story just made my day...
xxe

Jada's Gigi said...

too funny! You're bad....:)

Helen Louise said...

So funny! My friend is falling asleep on my shoulder, and here's me, trying not to laugh and finding it all the more funny... Shattered remains... *giggle*

Bec said...

Oh my kindred drama queen, Alas, 'twould not be truly thee should thine tongue utter anything less than such a dramatic reference to her crumblingly dessimated portion of biscuit! I can see no wrongdoing, nay, even thoughtlessness from your descriptive comments about said biscuit....

Goody said...

You are cracking me up! Nothing better than being able to laugh at yourself. Love the stories.

Shirls said...

you crack me up too. the story is too funny.

StaceyKingman said...

I am laughing....

Anonymous said...

Ever heard of patient confidentiality. You aren't cut out to be a nurse.